Days 2 thru 4 was GREAT!
There was a lot of food listed on my menu, and I just couldn't eat it all. Heidi stresses to not eat when you aren't hungry, so I listened to my body.
Besides the strength training, she had me doing Cardio. Which consisted of treadmill work. It's usually walking at a moderate to fast pace for 25-30 minutes. I actually walked the whole 25-30 minutes without stopping to take a breather or anything. I like to call that a Non-scale Victory #NSV
Usually when I've done that, I had to rest after 5 or so minutes, just from my back getting sore or my breathing being uncontrolled. Every other day she has me do alternating speeds. 2 minutes moderate, 1 minute fast. While I completed it, I realized I needed to work on my breathing. I was getting out of breath on some parts and I really wanted to stop but I didn't.
The menu's been good, she included a recipe for a chicken salad, that reminded me so much of Costco's Sonoma Chicken Salad. It was good.
Day 5 - The Day From Hell!!!!
Yesterday sucked!!! I wasn't in a good mood, I didn't sleep well, I had so much to do, but not of things I needed to do. I felt behind, and I still currently do. I'm just overwhelmed I guess.
Anyway yesterday I had zero motivation and there were so many temptations it was absolutely ridiculous. I had taken my father for lunch because I hadn't seen him in a while. We went to the local seafood restaurant. I ordered a bake tilapia filet with roasted zucchini and squash. It was delicious, but my father order Coconut Shrimp. It looked and smelled so wonderful! He offered me some every 5 minutes. I think he saw me staring. You really just can't compare baked tilapia to coconut shrimp. They are on two different levels. :(
Then he wanted me to buy him a candy bar so I did. He just had to have a reeses peanut butter cup.
Then I had gone to the gym. I didn't feel like it, I had zero motivation, but I wasn't set to fail in my first week of this program. I was only able to walk for 20 minutes. Everything just felt off and I couldn't get myself to go another 10 minutes even though I was watching Shane Dawson YouTube videos to attempt to make the time go by fast. But that 20 minutes felt like a dramatic 2 hours. Then when I went to go to the machines and free weights, everything seemed so heavy. It's not like my body is so damn sore that I can't lift anything, my head just wasn't in it. So I completed my reps as best as I could and left the gym not feeling satisfied.
It was also my brother's birthday yesterday. So he invited us over to chill out with him and have dinner. He was ordering Chinese Food. So I prepared myself and brought a turkey burger patty, a slice of Ezekiel bread, and some cucumbers and bell peppers that I put lemon juice, pink salt and pepper on. Was it good? Yes. Was it torture to watch my parents and brother eat egg rolls and sesame chicken? HELL FUCKING YES IT WAS!!
Then of course I started having the worst sweet tooth. My inner fat girl wanted me to have an oreo blizzard so bad! It didn't help that my brother's roommates do the shopping for them and their kids and it was 80% junk food. I was surrounded by poptarts, cookies, candy and all this stuff I can't have, but yet craved. I kept sipping water hoping the cravings would disappear. They didn't. I left as soon as I could, and went straight to bed. Sleep off the sweet cravings.
Day 5 sucked!!! :-/ I just felt miserable in my own skin, and was basically having a giant ass pity party! FUCK YOU EMOTIONS!!!
Friday, September 26, 2014
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Week One: Day 1 and Happy Fridge
Day One of Heidi Somer's Meal & Training Plan.
I went grocery shopping. #HappyFridge I went to my local grocery store, and the other day I had gone to the farmers market. Definitely enjoying seeing my fridge full and nothing is "crap."
I'm also going to be working on my meal prep. Right now I have about 3-4 days worth of chicken in the oven. And I finally have a reason to use all my spices. I've always enjoyed Mrs. Dash because it is sodium free and tastes WONDERFUL! I was looking for that chipotle blend, but they were out at my market.
I went grocery shopping. #HappyFridge I went to my local grocery store, and the other day I had gone to the farmers market. Definitely enjoying seeing my fridge full and nothing is "crap."
I'm also going to be working on my meal prep. Right now I have about 3-4 days worth of chicken in the oven. And I finally have a reason to use all my spices. I've always enjoyed Mrs. Dash because it is sodium free and tastes WONDERFUL! I was looking for that chipotle blend, but they were out at my market.
MEALS FOR TODAY:
Heidi had said to eat when you are hungry, and since today is Sunday I was actually busy. I went grocery shopping, went to the gym, and have been doing homework ever since. So my meals have been minimal, but I have eaten. I need to learn to definitely eat breakfast though.
WORK OUT FOR TODAY:
Today at the gym I did the knee strengthening, push ups, and cardio she had planned. It looks so simple on paper, but she really did plan something for me that I truly felt was perfect for day one. Hopefully the rest of week one goes pretty well.
Friday, September 19, 2014
My Goals
On the questionnaire Heidi had me fill out, she asked what my Goals were.
I don't know specifics, any size smaller than what I am sounds great to me. Here's what I told her.
Vanity Reasons
I want to be smaller than what I am. I want to look cute in clothes. I want to feel better in clothes. I want to not have to shop online for my outfits, and I want to not have to go to the biggest size in the rack just find a few things for me to choose from, and everything looks "matronly." I want to not have to hold the camera at a high angle to prevent my double chins from showing. I want to be able to take a full length photo with my friends or when I'm traveling at a beautiful landmark. I'd really like to wear tank tops in public.
Lifestyle Reasons
I'd like to be able to fit on a roller coaster, or better yet fit in a car and be able to use the seat belt without an extender. I'd like to walk a flight of stairs without getting winded. I'd like to walk from the parking lot to my classroom without perspiring and feeling short of breath. I'd like to know when I go to a concert I can fit in the seats and not have to order an aisle seat ticket. I'd like to not have to buy two plane tickets. I'd like to be able to go hiking more. I'd like to be able to dance with my nieces without having to stop and rest.
Health Reasons
I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. Thankfully, even with the size I am, I'm "relatively" healthy, in the sense that I'm not on blood pressure meds, cholesterol meds, diabetic meds. I am pre-diabetic, but since I've started working out and cutting out fast food, my numbers had dropped and my doctor did say if I kept it up, I could be out of the "pre" range in 1-2 years. Everyone in my family is obese. My parents and grandmothers suffer from heart conditions, my father is diabetic and a stroke victim. Ideally, I don't want to end up like them.
I don't know specifics, any size smaller than what I am sounds great to me. Here's what I told her.
Vanity Reasons
I want to be smaller than what I am. I want to look cute in clothes. I want to feel better in clothes. I want to not have to shop online for my outfits, and I want to not have to go to the biggest size in the rack just find a few things for me to choose from, and everything looks "matronly." I want to not have to hold the camera at a high angle to prevent my double chins from showing. I want to be able to take a full length photo with my friends or when I'm traveling at a beautiful landmark. I'd really like to wear tank tops in public.
Lifestyle Reasons
I'd like to be able to fit on a roller coaster, or better yet fit in a car and be able to use the seat belt without an extender. I'd like to walk a flight of stairs without getting winded. I'd like to walk from the parking lot to my classroom without perspiring and feeling short of breath. I'd like to know when I go to a concert I can fit in the seats and not have to order an aisle seat ticket. I'd like to not have to buy two plane tickets. I'd like to be able to go hiking more. I'd like to be able to dance with my nieces without having to stop and rest.
Health Reasons
I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. Thankfully, even with the size I am, I'm "relatively" healthy, in the sense that I'm not on blood pressure meds, cholesterol meds, diabetic meds. I am pre-diabetic, but since I've started working out and cutting out fast food, my numbers had dropped and my doctor did say if I kept it up, I could be out of the "pre" range in 1-2 years. Everyone in my family is obese. My parents and grandmothers suffer from heart conditions, my father is diabetic and a stroke victim. Ideally, I don't want to end up like them.
Online Trainer - Heidi Somers
As mentioned in a previous post, I reached out to a dozen people and only one responded.
I should also mention that she responded in less than 24 hours.
In my first email, I told her about my struggles trying to find help. I told her my age and weight and that I need help, and that if she could have someone my size as a client, I'd greatly appreciate. I also told her that the way my personality is, I need black and white specifics. I need a weekly meal guide and grocery list. Counting calories does nothing for me because I can find shitty food to fill me up and still make my calories for the day.
Within her response were these words "Thank you for reaching out to me. I would LOVE to help you! My heart goes out to you for not receiving responses from other people!"
BAM! I was hooked. I may have even shed a tear. I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders, because FINALLY someone had accepted my plea. I immediately purchased her 6 week meal and training program, for less than $200, which is really cheap compared to the other 11 people I've met with.
I ended up filling out a questionaire and she wanted to two front and back pictures in a bra and shorts. Dear Lord in Heaven, that was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I probably have taken less than 10 full body pictures my entire life, so I was extremely disgusted with how I looked, but at the same time. The girl I was a year ago, would have NEVER done something like that. A year ago, if I hired her and she asked for a photo, I would have found a way out of it, or asked for a refund. So mentally I'm in a better place I think.
In a little over a week's time she had my workout plan, grocery list, and supplement list ready for me. She even said she had done research and spoke with doctors. Now whether she is saying that to me for me to think she's legit, or she actually did it, I don't care. I sincerely appreciate all her effort.
My workouts consist of Strength Training and Cardio. Cardio is not my friend. It's not that my legs hurt or that I get short of breath (those both happen) but my back starts to be the first thing that hurts, and I usually start to feel discourage and shorten my cardio time because of that. But I'm determined to make it all happen.
The Grocery list is truly not something different than what I buy. Back in January I made the switch to hormone free / organic meat. I did it more for the taste than the health factor. I was willing to pay a bit more for something that tasted 10x better than to deal with flavorless food. She really promotes organic and hormone free meats, fruits, and veggies. I have no problem with that.
The supplements are not out of the ordinary either. I've taken fish oil in the past and it became a matter of always forgetting to buy it. But she did say I needed GRAMS of oils not milligrams, so I had to buy the liquid oil. Oh that's a disgusting flavor. L-Carnintine as a natural fat burning, which I've never taken, but it's relatively inexpensive. So whatever. And the last thing on her supplement list was protein powder. Which I've always had some in stock, but she gave m a list of ones that were organic and all natural.
She gave me my meal plan as well, and bless her heart, she did it black and white and gave me specific breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks for a week. It all seems doable, and nothing is out of the ordinary. I just gotta go grocery shopping.
My online fitness trainer is Heidi Somers. I cannot thank her enough for responding, for being enthusiastic, and for taking the time to develop a plan specifically for someone my size. I can't wait to see the results after 6 weeks.
Here's her Facebook and Youtube Link to check her out.
Heidi Somers - Facebook
Heidi Somers - YouTube
I should also mention that she responded in less than 24 hours.
In my first email, I told her about my struggles trying to find help. I told her my age and weight and that I need help, and that if she could have someone my size as a client, I'd greatly appreciate. I also told her that the way my personality is, I need black and white specifics. I need a weekly meal guide and grocery list. Counting calories does nothing for me because I can find shitty food to fill me up and still make my calories for the day.
Within her response were these words "Thank you for reaching out to me. I would LOVE to help you! My heart goes out to you for not receiving responses from other people!"
BAM! I was hooked. I may have even shed a tear. I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders, because FINALLY someone had accepted my plea. I immediately purchased her 6 week meal and training program, for less than $200, which is really cheap compared to the other 11 people I've met with.
I ended up filling out a questionaire and she wanted to two front and back pictures in a bra and shorts. Dear Lord in Heaven, that was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I probably have taken less than 10 full body pictures my entire life, so I was extremely disgusted with how I looked, but at the same time. The girl I was a year ago, would have NEVER done something like that. A year ago, if I hired her and she asked for a photo, I would have found a way out of it, or asked for a refund. So mentally I'm in a better place I think.
In a little over a week's time she had my workout plan, grocery list, and supplement list ready for me. She even said she had done research and spoke with doctors. Now whether she is saying that to me for me to think she's legit, or she actually did it, I don't care. I sincerely appreciate all her effort.
My workouts consist of Strength Training and Cardio. Cardio is not my friend. It's not that my legs hurt or that I get short of breath (those both happen) but my back starts to be the first thing that hurts, and I usually start to feel discourage and shorten my cardio time because of that. But I'm determined to make it all happen.
The Grocery list is truly not something different than what I buy. Back in January I made the switch to hormone free / organic meat. I did it more for the taste than the health factor. I was willing to pay a bit more for something that tasted 10x better than to deal with flavorless food. She really promotes organic and hormone free meats, fruits, and veggies. I have no problem with that.
The supplements are not out of the ordinary either. I've taken fish oil in the past and it became a matter of always forgetting to buy it. But she did say I needed GRAMS of oils not milligrams, so I had to buy the liquid oil. Oh that's a disgusting flavor. L-Carnintine as a natural fat burning, which I've never taken, but it's relatively inexpensive. So whatever. And the last thing on her supplement list was protein powder. Which I've always had some in stock, but she gave m a list of ones that were organic and all natural.
She gave me my meal plan as well, and bless her heart, she did it black and white and gave me specific breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks for a week. It all seems doable, and nothing is out of the ordinary. I just gotta go grocery shopping.
My online fitness trainer is Heidi Somers. I cannot thank her enough for responding, for being enthusiastic, and for taking the time to develop a plan specifically for someone my size. I can't wait to see the results after 6 weeks.
Here's her Facebook and Youtube Link to check her out.
Heidi Somers - Facebook
Heidi Somers - YouTube
About Me
As I stated in my previous post, I'm 25 years old and I weigh 433 pounds, oh also I'm only 5'4" so I'm short and plump.
I'm not even sure what my heaviest weight was to be quite honest. I never owned a scale until this year. Now that scale is front in center in my kitchen, taunting me.
I've always been a big girl, and my family has also always been overweight. Part of me blames them for not showing me proper dietary habits, but when I got to the age where I knew right from wrong, and that eating this way was bad, I didn't stop. So that parental blame can only go so far.
When I was 13, I stopped drinking all sodas. Seriously, since then I've maybe had a handful of sodas. Usually sprite when I'm sick, but I truly can't stand any sort of carbonation. Water has always been my best friend since then and once in a while I've enjoyed sweet tea (I'm from Texas) and juice. The reason I stopped drinking soda was because I took a Health and Wellness course my freshman year of high school and I learned that Coke (Coca-Cola) could eat thru steel. I was only imagining what it could do to my insides, so from that day on I cut it out and went cold turkey. It was the easiest thing I did in my life.
Why was that easy, but changing my diet not?
I'm weird with emotions. I don't show them. I grew up with a very emotional mother, and their wasn't room for any more in the house. So if I may psychologically analyze myself, I think to avoid showing emotions, I ate them. I ate when I was happy, sad, angry etc all to keep "calm, cool, collected." Please note, I am in no way blaming my mother for that. I got that way from my Granny. I'm a lot like her, why feel the need to be stressed or sad, when things still needed to get done around the house? So it was easier for me to go about my day not dealing with the emotions, and just eating them and storing them away.
I know that's why I got fat. Then of course I had no idea what portion control was, so I had no self control. Ate til I got full beyond belief.
I never really got picked on. I grew up in a small town and I went to the same school from Pre-K to 12th Grade. I grew up with a brother who made me grow thick skin and stand up for myself. So anyone who tried to make fun of me, I ended up handling. And the older I got, the less I cared what people thought of me. I knew I was fat. I wasn't blind to it, I owned a full length mirror. There is nothing anyone could say that was new to me or that I didn't tell myself.
Despite being fat, I've had a pretty good life. I've traveled, I've had fun, I have some really great friends. My friends know I'm fat, but they don't see me that way. It's both a blessing and a curse. I love that they don't recognize me as just another fat girl, but at the same time they don't understand my limitations. Not being able to ride a roller coaster, sit in a booth at a restaurant, having to buy two airplane tickets. (Yes, I'm a big girl and I will buy two airplane seats, because not only do I want to be comfortable, but the person next me shouldn't feel uncomfortable either. Thank God for Southwest Airlines, they are the only airline I know that refunds the second seat. God Bless Them. )
As I was saying, even as a fat girl I've done a lot, seen a lot, I've fell in love and fell in lust, and I've had my heart broken just like any other average sized girl. Love knows no size!
I don't know what prompted me to officially start this journey. All I know is in May, I finally started making use of my gym membership. I started cutting out fast food. I was seeing improvement in my energy, my stamina, and even my PCP was seeing results in my blood work. I was feeling happy.
So I wanted to take the steps to do this all properly, I wanted to hire someone and I wanted to know the right things at the right time.
I'm not even sure what my heaviest weight was to be quite honest. I never owned a scale until this year. Now that scale is front in center in my kitchen, taunting me.
I've always been a big girl, and my family has also always been overweight. Part of me blames them for not showing me proper dietary habits, but when I got to the age where I knew right from wrong, and that eating this way was bad, I didn't stop. So that parental blame can only go so far.
When I was 13, I stopped drinking all sodas. Seriously, since then I've maybe had a handful of sodas. Usually sprite when I'm sick, but I truly can't stand any sort of carbonation. Water has always been my best friend since then and once in a while I've enjoyed sweet tea (I'm from Texas) and juice. The reason I stopped drinking soda was because I took a Health and Wellness course my freshman year of high school and I learned that Coke (Coca-Cola) could eat thru steel. I was only imagining what it could do to my insides, so from that day on I cut it out and went cold turkey. It was the easiest thing I did in my life.
Why was that easy, but changing my diet not?
I'm weird with emotions. I don't show them. I grew up with a very emotional mother, and their wasn't room for any more in the house. So if I may psychologically analyze myself, I think to avoid showing emotions, I ate them. I ate when I was happy, sad, angry etc all to keep "calm, cool, collected." Please note, I am in no way blaming my mother for that. I got that way from my Granny. I'm a lot like her, why feel the need to be stressed or sad, when things still needed to get done around the house? So it was easier for me to go about my day not dealing with the emotions, and just eating them and storing them away.
I know that's why I got fat. Then of course I had no idea what portion control was, so I had no self control. Ate til I got full beyond belief.
I never really got picked on. I grew up in a small town and I went to the same school from Pre-K to 12th Grade. I grew up with a brother who made me grow thick skin and stand up for myself. So anyone who tried to make fun of me, I ended up handling. And the older I got, the less I cared what people thought of me. I knew I was fat. I wasn't blind to it, I owned a full length mirror. There is nothing anyone could say that was new to me or that I didn't tell myself.
Despite being fat, I've had a pretty good life. I've traveled, I've had fun, I have some really great friends. My friends know I'm fat, but they don't see me that way. It's both a blessing and a curse. I love that they don't recognize me as just another fat girl, but at the same time they don't understand my limitations. Not being able to ride a roller coaster, sit in a booth at a restaurant, having to buy two airplane tickets. (Yes, I'm a big girl and I will buy two airplane seats, because not only do I want to be comfortable, but the person next me shouldn't feel uncomfortable either. Thank God for Southwest Airlines, they are the only airline I know that refunds the second seat. God Bless Them. )
As I was saying, even as a fat girl I've done a lot, seen a lot, I've fell in love and fell in lust, and I've had my heart broken just like any other average sized girl. Love knows no size!
I don't know what prompted me to officially start this journey. All I know is in May, I finally started making use of my gym membership. I started cutting out fast food. I was seeing improvement in my energy, my stamina, and even my PCP was seeing results in my blood work. I was feeling happy.
So I wanted to take the steps to do this all properly, I wanted to hire someone and I wanted to know the right things at the right time.
Start of it All
I started my official weight loss journey in May of this year. I say it's my "official" start because I've actually done more physical activity these last few months than I've done my whole life, besides when I was a kid of course. I've been a big girl all my life, and my family definitely has a history of obesity.
I am 25 years old and classified as morbidly obese. I weigh 433 lbs. I would like to say this is my highest weight, but it isn't. As I said, I started my journey in May and so I've actually lost some pounds and inches. YAY ME!
I started out by cutting out fast food, drinking 1 gallon of water a day, and going to the gym for 1.5 hours, 3 days a week. And it's worked, not as fast as I would like of course, but it took me 25 years to get to this weight, it's not going to disappear overnight. If someone comes across that magic healthy pill, send it my way.
I knew from the get go that I couldn't do this on my own.Since June of this year, I have seen 3 doctors, 3 nutritionists and have emailed about 6 online fitness trainers. Here are my results.
The 3 doctors. Yeah PROFESSIONAL LICENSED DOCTORS. They could care less. Each one wanted me to prescribe with an appetite suppressant, do blood work, wait 3 months, then come back and see them.
The 3 nutritionists. They tried to get me to buy shakes and supplements. I wanted macro coaching and meal plan, not sugary drinks and pills. A couple of them wanted me to do weight loss shots, and while I've seen that work for people, I couldn't afford $300/week in my budget.
The 6 online fitness people. Well 5 people ignored me, and one responded.
Out of literally a dozen people I spoke with, only one has decided to help me. I didn't think that when I finally reached out for help that NO ONE would respond. We live in a world where we body/fat shame, where obesity is bad, etc but yet when I want to seriously make an effort to change myself, no one helps.
I never ask for handouts. I wasn't expecting anything to be free. But those 12 people went in to their business to help people, and now they see people as dollar signs instead of actual human beings. I honestly thought, if they helped and if everything went according to plan I started to lose weight, wouldn't they want a client like me in their portfolio?
Shame on them. Shame on them for not doing their job properly. Shame on them for thinking money is more important than the health of a human being.
I am 25 years old and classified as morbidly obese. I weigh 433 lbs. I would like to say this is my highest weight, but it isn't. As I said, I started my journey in May and so I've actually lost some pounds and inches. YAY ME!
I started out by cutting out fast food, drinking 1 gallon of water a day, and going to the gym for 1.5 hours, 3 days a week. And it's worked, not as fast as I would like of course, but it took me 25 years to get to this weight, it's not going to disappear overnight. If someone comes across that magic healthy pill, send it my way.
I knew from the get go that I couldn't do this on my own.Since June of this year, I have seen 3 doctors, 3 nutritionists and have emailed about 6 online fitness trainers. Here are my results.
The 3 doctors. Yeah PROFESSIONAL LICENSED DOCTORS. They could care less. Each one wanted me to prescribe with an appetite suppressant, do blood work, wait 3 months, then come back and see them.
The 3 nutritionists. They tried to get me to buy shakes and supplements. I wanted macro coaching and meal plan, not sugary drinks and pills. A couple of them wanted me to do weight loss shots, and while I've seen that work for people, I couldn't afford $300/week in my budget.
The 6 online fitness people. Well 5 people ignored me, and one responded.
Out of literally a dozen people I spoke with, only one has decided to help me. I didn't think that when I finally reached out for help that NO ONE would respond. We live in a world where we body/fat shame, where obesity is bad, etc but yet when I want to seriously make an effort to change myself, no one helps.
I never ask for handouts. I wasn't expecting anything to be free. But those 12 people went in to their business to help people, and now they see people as dollar signs instead of actual human beings. I honestly thought, if they helped and if everything went according to plan I started to lose weight, wouldn't they want a client like me in their portfolio?
Shame on them. Shame on them for not doing their job properly. Shame on them for thinking money is more important than the health of a human being.
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